


Love You Goodbye

by king_gaara14



Series: Me and My Weird Ships [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, no tags because i don't know how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-13 23:34:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19261426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/king_gaara14/pseuds/king_gaara14
Summary: If tomorrow you won't be mineWon't you give it to me one last timeOh, baby let me love you goodbye.





	Love You Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This is uhm, I don't know. Really. Please just understand me a little because I am weird. xD

I stab the last cigarette I was smoking when the hand in my wrist watch says it’s already 5 minutes before he arrives. I remember how he hates the smoke that when he first enters my room after I smoke he started coughing his lungs out, I’m afraid he will die. _Memories._ It’s all memories now. I pop a gum into my mouth to chase the bitter taste of the menthol flavored stick I just smoke and to chase away the smell he doesn’t like too much.

 

I see his car first, a black convertible mustang, before I can even heard it from the distance so I spit the gum at the trash bin and walks the few steps from the entrance of the house I’m in to welcome his arrival.

 

He stops his car in front of the gate at the exact moment I open it but he didn’t enter his car, instead he put the car on parked at the front of the gate and then move to climb out of the car after he got everything he needed and walks towards me.

 

He haven’t change so much after years that I’ve have not seen him aside from the occasional scrolling at the internet for his new picture that seems to pop up every five minutes in my phone’s notifications. Not like I don't want to know updates about him.

 

He had his hair short and ruffled like his morning bed hair, his _-Gucci?-_ coat hugging tightly against his medium muscular frame, his hands in each pocket. Normal white shirt underneath, no brand if I could really look, black skinny rip jeans and black boots. Normal _Harry Styles_. He is the only human being in the Earth that can pull this goddamn sexy look that everyone can kill for it. No sweat for him though.

 

I nodded into him and motion him to follow me inside. I feel so cold all of the sudden despite wearing a heavy jacket.

 

When inside, I told him to hang his coat at the rack at the entrance together with mine and put his boots at the shoe rack before throwing him the house slipper that he slips in after discarding his coat and boots. I invite him to sit at the couch and he did. I offer him tea but he decline, saying he’s fine and that I shouldn’t bother which I can only nod.

 

A pregnant silence hanged in the air after that. No one wanted to talk and break it only our eyes seems to talk at this moment as we keep on glancing at each other, sometimes holding our gazes a little longer than necessary.

 

“Congrats, by the way in your single,” I said, breaking the silence when I can’t take it any longer. I invite him here to talk and maybe settle everything between us. I wanted him back into my life, them actually but I needed to start with him if I wanted them to follow.

 

Harry was what seems connect the five of us when were still in the same band. Wherever Harry wants to go, we all go without question. That’s how our lives revolve around Harry, the Baby Hazza of the group.

 

“You heard it?”

 

“From the album, not yet but I’ve already heard it from your fans singing it,” I said, honestly. His album was released last year and I brought a copy of that but I haven’t opened and listened to it until now.

 

“It’s too late for congratulation, don’t you think?” Though it hurts, I can only nod. “Thanks.” He said, “Actually I brought your album last week when I was in London but I haven’t opened it yet.”

 

“No time or you really don’t want to open it?” I tease him. Icarus Falls was released last winter and its fall now, maybe we have the same reason for not opening the albums yet.

 

“No time, I guess. I need to travel a lot nowadays,”

 

I just nodded into him. “I’m very happy that you make it here despite of your busy schedule.” I said.

 

“I only escape from them until tomorrow afternoon. I need to fly back to London tomorrow evening.”

 

I nodded and then followed by another pregnant silence.

 

“Talk Zayn Malik,” I heard him say after a few intake of air and inhale it slowly. The way he calls me in my full name doesn’t set well in my insides.

 

“I’m sorry.” I heard myself say and Harry understood it since he nodded a few times before speaking.

 

“I hate you so much, you know that and talking to you like were normal friends is hurting me to the core.”

 

“I know. I just want you to know how sorry I am for leaving, for everything.”

 

“If you’re really sorry why did you have to talk bad about us? About the music we’re doing, really? In which you forgot, you done it also before fleeing away, leaving us.”

 

“You also know why, Harry. Of all people, you should be the one who understand me why did I have to that.”

 

“That’s why it hurts me more than you hurting them.”

 

I can only nod to that because I don’t know what I should do but that. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Stop saying sorry if you don’t mean it.”

 

“What else should I say then? It’s the only thing I want to say.”

 

“Then what? Ask for forgiveness and like what, be friends again? Is that what you want when you call me in the middle of the night?”

 

“Harry,”

 

“Speak,”

 

I bite my own lips when I can’t seem to find any words to say. I want to tell him how much I miss him, how much our separation or me leaving hurt me too and it’s hurting more now that I can’t even hold him or touch him like what I do a lot when we’re still together.

 

“I know you can’t just forgive me for everything that I did but you know why I left, why I said what I said. Why I did what I did. It’s also hurting me, in case you don’t know.” a single bead of tears started to roll down my check. I can’t stop it; I can’t do anything to wipe it either, so I close my eyes.

 

A pregnant silence followed that and I’m afraid that Harry would be gone when I open my eyes. I flinched when I feel him in front of me and before I can open my mouth again to speak, Harry’s already in my personal space, hovering over me which I can only shallow hard.

 

“It’s been three something years and you seem can’t find your shit still.” I bit my lips harder to that.

 

I look at him through his eyes and what I saw in them can only make my heart beat faster than normal heartbeat. I lift my hand and touch him for the first time in three years, running my finger into his smooth face, his beautiful green eyes, perfectly sculpted nose and in those sinfully sexy lips.

 

I grab him though his nape and slams our lips together. Damn, I miss his lips against mine like this. When I lick his lower lip, he opened it for me and I enter his hot cavern. We kissed until we’re out of breath and poured out everything.

 

“I miss you.” I whisper in between our lips and he just nodded.

 

He then sit beside me at the couch and leaned his head against my chest, the thing he always do when he doesn’t want space between us, which is an equivalent to an ‘I miss you too’. I smile to that as I cradle his head against my chest. He just leaned into me more and wraps his arms around my waist without any word. Later on, soft snorts told me that he fell asleep already, seems very tired.

 

It feels so right that I can only tightened my hold into him and drifted off to dreamland, following him, uncomfortable position be damned.

 

\------------------

 

Time passed faster than we ever think, its morning already when I woke up with him still in my arms in the rather small couch for the two grown up man in it. I woke up before Harry but I can’t move with him on top of me anyway so I decided to sleep again.

 

When I woke up again because of the cold breeze coming from the open balcony, I was now alone. No trace of Harry around the house. He left without any word and leaves me still confused if we’re now okay or what. I pulled my hair in frustration.

 

“Maybe you could join me for a cup of coffee instead of pulling your hair like that?” I heard someone talk behind and I stiffen. “What? You want to get bald? Why don’t you just visit the barbershop instead of doing it yourself?”

 

I immediately turned around and there, behold, the might Harry Styles in just his pants from last night, displaying his body like that— where is his shirt anyway?— and a steaming cup of  coffee, I  guess, in his hand, leaning against the door frame of the kitchen, barefooted.

 

“I thought—”

 

“It’s raining when I woke up,” he just said and walks over to me and then kiss my forehead and murmurs a soft ‘good afternoon’ before slumping at the couch beside me. “It stops though after I call Jeff that I can’t make it to London tonight.” He said, looking outside to emphasize what he means.

 

Secretly, I thank heaven above for that.

 

“So you’re gonna stay for a while?” he looks at me and I bite my bottom lip seductively at him.

 

“You’re no sexy with that, yeah?” he said raising his eyebrows, “I’m not gonna bite that Zayn Malik,”

 

“Oh,” I said, shrugging my shoulder at him before standing up and cut the distance between us, take the cup from his hand and then straddle him, framing his face with my hand and kissed him. Our height difference sometimes had me in advantage.

 

At first, that was just me leaning my lips against him but when I can’t get enough, I parted his lips with my tongue and dive into his mouth. Someone moans, it’s either me or him and were kissing passionately, our tongues were fighting for dominance, trying to win each other while my hand map his body that I almost forgot how soft his skin against my palm while his hand was caressing the skin in my back underneath my shirt.

 

I trace his stomach until I reach his waistband and ready to dive inside but he stops me. I raise my eyebrow at him.

 

“No, were not ready for that.” He said, politely.

 

“When are we going to be ready for that?”

 

“When you’re free? I guess.”

 

I know what he means. Yeah, I’m not and he is and it hurts me so much. “When was the last time, Haz?” just wanna confirm it.

 

“Three years ago.”

 

I was taken aback by that. I though he fooled around like what the news say a lot. I thought— but seems like I was wrong the whole time. “Why?”

 

“Someone already owns me, branded me, long time ago and it’s like warding, can’t be with someone else when that person still owns me,” then he shrugs like it’s just normal thing to say. I feel like my whole being breaks by that sudden confession, not like the first time he admits that he has feeling for me, that he’s been in love with me from the start, but something that hurts me so much. If it killed me to be separated from him ages ago, it kills me even more hearing him say it on my face.

 

My tears started to fall again, “Haz,” I buried my face at the crook of his neck and I sob. All the dam was broken and Harry just hold me tight, letting me pour it out. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I chanted over and over again.

 

Knowing that Harry is always mine, I don’t know what to do with that information at all. Should I promise him too that I’m always be his? But it’s a lie and I don’t want to lie to him anymore. It’s enough already that I broke him hundred times before, I don’t want to break him again.

 

“Shh, it’s okay. It’s nobody’s fault that I was a failure and fall in love in a wrong time.” his voice shakes that I know he was crying too despite of him comforting me.

 

“I’m sorry,” I can only mutter.

 

Another hour that passes with both of us just cried and confessed to each other everything, like how it hurt him that he’s the last one to know that I’m leaving the band, like I left our shared house without any word, that he wakes up late at night crying because I was already with someone else, that it was hard for him to cope up to everything when he depended on me all the time, like when Louis teased him and he will just keep quite because he can’t depend himself because I do that all the time.

 

I did too, confessed my part of the story but most of it, Harry already knew. Like I was not happy anymore with the band, the management and all, that I wanted to be me and me leaving the band makes me find myself and here I am now, the Zayn Malik they know and not because I was part of the One Direction.

 

He understood me. What hurt me most is that, I’m the main reason why he also left the band, why he chooses to stay away with the other lads. But he didn’t blame me instead he blames himself saying that since the very beginning he wasn’t enough. That everything he did wasn’t enough because everyone he values left him.

 

And I know what he means. His father left them when he was little and then me when he learns to open up again. I can already imagine what he feels through those times.

 

He said that he is slowly healing and writing songs helps him cope-up with the heart break. That Mitch helps him a lot to find a new direction again. It bothers me that he mentions his name but Harry ensures me that he is just a friend, a friend who understands that he cannot love someone in the same intensity ever again.

 

We separated and stopped crying our heart out when the clocks chime the 3 o’clock mark on the clock and our stomachs grumbled.

 

I decided to cook a late lunch for the both of us. While I’m busying myself around the kitchen, Harry found my guitar and strums it like it’s his own. I can make out the notes he is humming from what I’ve heard two months ago.

 

“What’s the title of that?” I ask him. He looks at me and blinks first before replying.

 

“Sweet Creature,” He simply replied as I nodded, “Well, Consider this as a live free performance from Harry Styles, Mr. Malik. So sit back and relax.” He said and I just nodded again with a small smile.

 

He ruffles his hair first then finger combed it backward, just like he always do when his hair was way longer than that. Oh how I miss playing with his hair when it’s longer than that. He then strums the guitar, changing keys with his long fingers which I can remember intertwined with mine for so many times before.

_Sweet creature_   
_Had another talk about where it's going wrong_   
_But we're still young_   
_We don't know where we're going_   
_But we know where we belong_

_And oh we started_   
_Two hearts in one home_   
_It's hard when we argue_   
_We're both stubborn_   
_I know, but oh_

My heart skips a beat at the few lyrics he sings like the song was exactly made for me. Whatever Harry was thinking when he write the song it’s safe to say that I’m one of those things that runs in his head when he puts the lyrics.

_Sweet creature, sweet creature_   
_Wherever I go, you bring me home_   
_Sweet creature, sweet creature_   
_When I run out of road, you bring me home_

He finishes the song with his signature low and flirty voice he uses while on stage. “How was that?”

 

“Amazing.” I just say, “And by that, let me pay you with this humble lunch made by me.” I said and he just smiles. Oh that smile that makes everyone’s knees go weak, including me. He put aside the guitar and grabs the spoon and fork I handed him.

 

We dig in silence after I serve the food in front of him. “I’m gonna head to London after.” he said in between munching his food.

 

I nodded at him and watch him more while eating. Definitely, nothing changed at all. He still eats like he always on a hurry or someone might get his food away from him and I find it very adoring and charming even.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Talk, we’re not gonna have time like this in the future again. They knew that I’m here, that I escape from the shooting and they’re furious.” He said.

 

“I’m sorry ‘bout that.”

 

“As if they can do anything,” he mumbles and I laugh a little about that. For someone who always follows the rules and management and all, sure he grows a heart to disobey them a little.

 

“Haz, can I ask you something?”

 

“Go ahead.”

 

I played with my fork first, thinking very hard how to rephrase my question and not make him uncomfortable after.

 

“Do you still love me?” I blurted out and Harry stops eating and look at me like I grow a second head.

 

He opens his mouth to reply and close it again like a fish out of water and then opens it again and closes it again. He’s thinking.

 

“To be honest? Yeah, I won’t be here if I didn’t anymore at the first place, but don’t worry, I’m not putting my hopes up that you know, we can have another chance and all cause I totally accepted it long time ago.” he said and then digs in again, “We’re good by the way,” he said again. “And thank you for the food, it’s amazing.”

 

I just smile at him and then said, “I still love you too.” And he stops eating again. “And if we could have another chance, I would love to grab the opportunity,”

 

“Stop it, I know you love her.” He said while looking down into his food.

 

“Yeah, but,”

 

“We’re not gonna talk about that anymore. We’re done and you’re happy and everything falls into perfect places as we both wanted it.”

 

It didn’t pass my good hearing that he didn’t say he’s happy too but I let it slip. Harry’s right.

 

“Yeah,”

 

“I’m fine being in talking terms with you,” he said and I nodded.

 

“Me too.”

 

A call in his phone signals that it’s over for that talk. After strings of yeses and oh’s and copy that, Harry told me that it was Jeff, his new manager and that he threatens to castrate him if he won’t be back in London before eight tonight as his show starts at nine.

 

After we eat, he asks to use my shower and after I nodded he immediately gone. The sound of the water running only indicates that he already gone showering.

 

Minutes later, he emerge from the bathroom wearing another pair of clothes he brought when he gone to the shower. Light pink dotted shirt with three buttons left unfastened as usual and black skinny jeans. He just finger combed his hair back and proceeded to pick up his things and headed immediately to the front door after slipping his brown boots. His flight back to New York is three hours from now and he needed to be at the airport quickly and earlier especially that his fans for sure are already waiting for him there. I don’t want him to go but really, what can I do? He has life and commitments needed to attend to and it’s not like I don’t have one too since I also needed to go back to the studio for recording this evening.

 

He gave me his new personal number— personal meaning, the one that no one knows except me and the other lads, and his family— and said that if I ever wanted to collaborate with him, I can call him and we can write songs we both want and love. He told me that he’s living in Manchester now, sort of his new hideout.

 

“We’re good, yeah?” he said when he was already out of the porch.

 

“Yeah,” I just said. Somehow I’m really happy that we’re finally good and can move on with our lives.

 

“I’ve already forgiven you even if you haven’t said anything yet guess it’s natural for me to do that all the time, huh.” with a teasing voice and a sigh, he said.

 

We both laugh at that because I know what he means. Like my whirlwind romance with Perrie Edwards that he found out and he’s furious that he didn’t talk to me for a while, and Gigi and not to mention every naked girl he finds and kick out from our shared bedroom once in a while. And yes, he always forgives me.

 

“Thank you. Hopefully, we can hang out together again.”

 

“Someday Zayn,” he said and then sigh. “I don’t want to leave yet but I need too.” He said with a cute pout.

 

I grab him and I kissed him one last time, this time more passionate than we’ve shared the night before. “I will always love you Harry Edward Styles,” I said after panting a little, because yes, I always will.

 

He just smiles at that when we separated. “One of these days I can finally say that I moved on. Just wait and I’ll bounce back.” he said with a smile. “I love you Zayn,” then he kissed my forehead and turned around, out of my house and into his waiting car.

 

He waves his hand at me and gives me flying kiss which I kiddingly catch and put it in my pants and we both laughs hard at that.

 

This time I know he will never come back into my arms again like we always do but somehow, deep in my heart I’m happy that I can finally utter his name without a pang of pain every time someone asks me ‘Who is Harry Styles for you?’ and this time I’ll definitely answer them, ‘Precious one whom I will never ever forget.’

**Author's Note:**

> Do understand that I am not and English speaking person so, you can expect lots of grammatical error here. Just don't kill me, okay? I'll appreciate all the comment, even violent reaction and all the kudos of course. All the love, mwuah!


End file.
